They Raise the Bar—Then Walk Under It- Why Your Next Move Requires Strategy

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about this dynamic takes me back to childhood.

I know you’ve heard it from your parents— “Do as I say, NOT as I do.”

Delivered with full authority. No explanation. No room for debate.

I used to roll my eyes every single time I heard that!!! I know I am NOT alone—admit it, you didn’t enjoy hearing it either.

Because it screamed something very clear to me… to us: a different set of rules was in play.

Now, to be fair—parents are granted a certain level of autonomy. We can likely agree on that much, right?

But not so fast before you hop on the agreement train…

Even with that being the case, there is still an expectation of visible and demonstrable behavior that aligns with the title one carries—in order to earn respect.

Because respect isn’t rooted in authority alone—it’s reinforced through behavior.

And as we all know, people—especially children—don’t just listen.

They watch.

Now Let’s Talk About Real Life (a.k.a. “Adulting”)

Relationships.

Professional environments.

Leadership spaces.

The tolerance for double standards?

Much lower.

And the impact?

Much greater.

Because when expectations are uneven, it opens up an entirely different set of problems. There’s not much to debate about that. And if we’re being honest with ourselves…it creates resentment.

You know when the spirit of “petty” starts to show up? We don’t even need to unpack that.

The Reality Most Don’t Say Out Loud

There are environments—personal and professional—where the bar is constantly being raised.

But not for everyone.

For you.

You’re expected to:

• do more

• be more

• carry more

And do it all in full compliance—without a voice…

While someone else continues to operate comfortably beneath it.

And that’s the maddening part, right?

For me, it definitely was. I was breathing fire behind it.

I followed the rules.

I met the expectations.

Only for it to shift.

Again. And again.

Let’s Call It What It Is

This isn’t just inconsistency, coincidence, or oversight.

It’s what I call selective “BS.”

And in leadership—true leadership—and in real relationships, that’s a problem.

Because it contradicts the very things we claim to value:

• fairness

• accountability

• integrity

Leaders, friends and partners—are not just responsible for setting the bar. They are responsible for modeling it. As my grandmother and mother used to say, "What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” I didn’t know what that actually meant- not for years.

If by chance you don’t- please search up. You will get a good laugh! I promise you that.

So How Do You Navigate This—Strategically?

Let’s be clear—this isn’t about reacting emotionally.

That’s a mistake. Emotion and logic don’t often coexist—and you already know which one tends to win.

You have to move intentionally. Strategically. With patience—and the end goal in mind.

In the corporate world especially, you have to play chess, not checkers.

So let me give you the STRATEGY for when they raise the bar—and walk under it:

1. Expose the Standard (Without Emotion)

It can be as simple as asking:

• “How is this expectation being applied consistently?” 

Because clarity forces accountability.

2. Stop Normalizing “Doing the Most”

Just because you are capable of doing more doesn’t mean you should.

Be mindful of where you are:

• over-delivering

• overcompensating

• absorbing responsibilities that aren’t yours

  
  

3. Document and Align to Outcomes

When expectations shift, documentation matters.

Keep the focus on:

• agreed deliverables

• measurable outcomes

• defined responsibilities

This protects you from being evaluated based on capacity instead of results.

4. Set Boundaries with Precision

Not emotional. Not reactive.

Strategic.

Boundaries won’t look the same for everyone—but they must be clear, specific, and firm.

Boundaries signal alignment—not resistance.

5. Decide on Your Line—and Hold It

This is the most important step.

Because not every situation will change.

So you have to decide:

• What are you willing to accept?

• What aligns with your values?

• What is no longer sustainable?

Strategy without self-preservation leads to burnout.

The Bottom Line

So, what am I really saying?

It’s simple.

The goal is not to lower your standard.

It’s to ensure your standards are not being used against you.

Because when the bar only moves for you, it stops being a measure of excellence—

and becomes a source of pressure.

So the question isn’t just:

Why do they keep raising the bar?

The real question is:

Why are you allowing it?

I’ll pause right here…

And let you sit with that.