Perfect as You Are

The Final Chapter of the Self-Love & Self-Worth Series

Sis, we have already covered some good ground. Throughout this Self-Love & Self-Worth Series, we have had conversations that weren't always comfortable—but they were necessary.

In “If You Saw What They See,” we talked about learning to see ourselves with some of the same love, admiration and grace that others extend to us so freely.

In “The Inner Critic Is Loud,” we confronted that voice inside our heads that somehow always has something to say—and rarely anything nice. We examined how destructive our internal dialogue can become when we continuously speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to someone we love.

Then came “The Currency of Comparison.” We talked about what it costs us when we measure our lives, bodies, accomplishments and journeys against someone else's. Comparison doesn't just steal joy, Sis. Sometimes, we are the ones giving it away!

And finally, “Perfection Is a Moving Target” challenged the idea that if we just work a little harder, accomplish a little more, look a little better or check a few more boxes, we will eventually arrive at this ideal destination called perfect.

Except the destination doesn't exist.

Which brings us here.

Now that we're all caught up, Sisters—let's recalibrate.

Perfect as You Are! Is There Really Such a Thing?

For those of us who are resistant to change, that statement might actually resonate with you—but I'm not so sure it is for the right reasons.

“Perfect as you are” is not an invitation to settle into mediocrity.

It does not mean there is nothing about you that needs to change.

And it certainly isn't permission to adopt one of my favorite clichés:

“Take me as I am or nothing at all!”

Because Sis...

With a mentality like that, some of us probably need to be left right where we are—and as we are.

Yes. I said it. Why??

It's because no one is above needing improvement.

Recognizing that requires a level of self-awareness and humility that I believe all of us struggle with at some point.

The good news?

With every new sunrise, we have another God given opportunity to become a better version of ourselves.

But Sis, here's where I think we've gotten self-love wrong.

Becoming better does not require believing that who you are today isn't already worthy.

You can love who you are and still work on who you're becoming.

You can acknowledge your flaws without a belief that you are flawed beyond repair.

You can say, “I need to work on this,” without turning it into, “There is something wrong with me.”

I believe this is what Perfect as You Are really embodies.

Why Did This particular Blog Take Me So Long to write?

I actually have a pretty good answer- “A long pause often comes before clarity is possible.”

Sometimes the pause isn't procrastination.

Sometimes life isn't getting in the way.

Sometimes we just need to be still long enough to make sure that what we're preparing to say to other people is something we've been willing to say to ourselves first.

And Sis, I had some more work to do.

Everything I write about, speak about and share through You Ok Sis? comes from lived experience.

I don't write from some figment of my imagination where I've figured everything out and I'm giving instructions to everybody else, without a roadmap for myself.

The deeper I went into this series on Self-Love & Self-Worth, the more I realized something I wasn't expecting:

I needed more work in this area than I originally thought.

That realization made me pause.

Because how could I conclude a series about self-love without being willing to examine my own love of self?

How could I tell another woman to quiet her inner critic while mine is still screaming in my ear?

How could I tell her not to compare her journey while catching myself looking sideways at somebody else's?

How could I write about perfection being a moving target and then quietly move the target on myself?

Whew.

See how these truths will sneak up on you?

So, I stopped writing long enough to listen.

And after reflecting on this entire series—and myself—there are five things I want us to carry forward.

1. See Yourself Without Requiring Someone Else to Validate the View

We began this series talking about seeing ourselves the way others see us.

But eventually, Sis, we have to sit in a space of self-accountability and be clear regarding our own self-love position.

Compliments are wonderful.

Affirmation feels good.

Being seen, appreciated and loved by others matters.

But our self-worth cannot be contingent on anyone else.

At some point, we have to be able to look at ourselves and recognize our own value—even when people treat us like an option rather than a choice.

Their inability to recognize our worth does not decrease it.

And their recognition of it does not create it.

It was already there.

2. Change the Way You Speak to the Woman in the Mirror

The voice of our inner critic has been vocal long enough- SILENCE IT.

Sisters, we must pay closer attention to the language we use when talking about ourselves.

I'm so stupid.

I always mess things up.

I'm old.

I'm too fat.

I'm not successful enough.

I should be further along by now.

Would we repeatedly say those things to someone we loved?

Then why does the woman in the mirror deserve anything less?

Accountability doesn't require unkindness.

We can correct ourselves without condemning ourselves.

We have to speak to ourselves like someone we are responsible for loving.

Because we are.

3. Stop Using Someone Else's Life as the Measuring Stick for Yours

Comparison is expensive.

And the currency is often our peace.

Someone will always appear to be further ahead, but we have no idea what it took for them to get there.

Someone will have the body, relationship, career, business, home, finances or life we thought we would have by now.

Let her.

Her success isn't evidence of our failure.

And remember, when we compare, we are comparing the entirety of our life to whatever portion of hers we've been allowed to see.

We have to run our own race, Sis.

We cannot fully appreciate our own journey while constantly turning our head to watch somebody else's.

4. Give Yourself Permission to Be Both a Masterpiece and a Work in Progress

This may be the biggest lesson I've learned from this entire series.

Two things can be true at the same time:

I am enough today.

AND

I still have work to do.

One does not cancel the other.

Self-love is not pretending there is nothing left to improve.

Self-worth is not refusing correction.

Being “perfect as you are” doesn't mean becoming comfortable with behaviors, habits or mindsets that are hurting us or the people around us.

It means refusing to make our imperfections the price of admission for loving ourselves.

We have to grow because we love ourselves—not because we hate the current version.

We must heal and change because we deserve peace and its necessary for us to become better.

We can't spend our entire life withholding love from ourselves until some future version of us finally earns it.

We shouldn't have to.

5. Stop Moving the Finish Line on Your Own Worth

Maybe this is where all four of the previous blogs were trying to lead us.

We keep creating conditions on our worth.

I'll feel good about myself when I lose the weight.

When I get the promotion.

When the business succeeds.

When someone chooses me.

When I fix this.

When I accomplish that.

When I finally become...

And every time we get close, we move the finish line again.

Sis, what if there is no finish line?

What if self-love isn't the prize waiting for us after we've perfected ourselves?

What if it's what we are supposed to carry with us while we are becoming?

This is the moral of this story! The truth hiding behind clear facts that are right in front of our faces Sis.

So, the burning question... Are You Perfect as You Are?

NO.

And YES.

Let me explain.

We have habits to change, wounds to heal, apologies to make, boundaries to strengthen, lessons to learn and parts of ourselves that still require attention.

“Perfect as You Are” was never supposed to mean that we have reached some flawless version of ourselves.

I think it simply means:

We are worthy as we are.

Deserving of love as we are.

Allowed to have peace as we are.

Allowed to celebrate ourselves as we are.

It's so ironic Sisters. I started this series hoping to encourage other women to examine how they saw themselves.

I didn't realize how much it would require me to examine how I saw me.

That's really why I paused.

And I'm glad I did.

Because somewhere between seeing what they see, quieting the inner critic, refusing to pay the price of comparison, and finally accepting that perfection will always be a moving target, I arrived at a different understanding of self-love.

Self-love isn't the absence of self-awareness.

It's what allows us to look honestly at ourselves without turning what we discover into a full on attack against ourselves.

So no, Sis.

I don't have it all figured out.

I'm still growing.

Still learning.

Still healing.

Still correcting.

Still becoming.

And perhaps you are too.

But while we're doing all of that work, let's stop treating ourselves like unfinished projects that aren't worthy of being loved until construction is complete.

The work can continue without the love being postponed.

I am Perfect as I Am—while still becoming everything I was created to be.

And Sis...

So are you.