The Inner Critic Is Loud

"We remember the criticism longer than we remember the compliments."

Here’s the question I want to raise first:

Is it worse when we become our own critic, or does it hurt more when the criticism comes from someone else?

A heavy way to start, I know.

But my goodness… is it relevant.

So let’s dive right in, Sis.

A few weeks ago, I was scrolling through my work laptop cleaning up old files. It’s wild how quickly documents pile up—folders full of things you once thought mattered, now buried under clutter. And don’t even get me started on the email inboxes… packed with random, outdated, and seemingly useless information.

I know you can relate. LOL.

Well… during that cleanup, I stumbled across about 35 images of myself from a corporate photoshoot my company sponsored a few years back. Their goal was simple: encourage employees to retire the car selfies and profile pictures that looked like they were taken a decade ago.

And listen—I prepared for this.

I carefully picked out my outfit the night before.

Got dressed up.

Did my makeup.

Showed up motivated.

It felt like a real opportunity mainly because it was FREE, but truthfully, I needed a new corporate headshot badly.

There were a few of us gathered in the room, making small talk and waiting for our turn. I watched the photographer guide each person—adjusting angles, giving direction, building confidence.

And the longer I waited to hear, “Who’s next?”

…the LOUDER my thoughts became.

I don’t like my smile.

The cut of this blouse makes my arms look big.

Why did I wear these colors?

People are judging me.

I could hardly focus.

Meanwhile, my colleagues stood around smiling, offering encouragement.

"Wow, Aimee! Love your smile and poses."

"You’re so photogenic."

"These pictures are going to turn out so good."

But the reflection staring back at me in that mirror was in direct conflict with everything I was hearing.

A few weeks later, the photos came back.

Immediately, I noticed everyone updating their team profiles—fresh, polished, confident images.

Mine?

Nowhere.

Because I hated every single one.

I spent hours dissecting those photos one by one, looking for something—anything—I could tolerate enough to use.

Surely there had to be at least one.

But none of them made the cut.

So the folder sat untouched on my computer.

Forgotten.

Buried.

Completely out of my mind.

Until years later.

And when I found them again?

I scrolled through all 35 and loved them.

Every single one.

How?

What was so different about me then versus now?

Minus this shiny bald head?

Absolutely nothing.

The smile was the same.

The style of my clothes were pretty much the same.

The body was the same- give or take a few pounds.

The only thing that really changed… was the way I chose to see myself.

And that hit me hard.

Words matter.

Thoughts matter.

Perception matters.

Perspective matters.

We know this.

So if we know it… why don’t we practice it?

Why are we so generous with grace for others, but so stingy with it for ourselves?

That’s the goal of this series:

To learn how to treat ourselves with the same love, compassion, and kindness we so freely extend to everyone else.

Because if we aren’t capable of doing that, how can we expect it of anyone else?

Sis, have you ever discovered something you already owned—something you once thought had little or no value—only to realize later it carried far more significance than you ever knew?

Truthfully, some of us do this with people too.

But that’s a blog for another day.

What was it for you, Sis?

How did you feel after the discovery?

And more importantly…

What did you do once you knew its worth?

I learned a few very valuable lessons from my experience. It's so critical to be careful when we assign value; particularly as it relates to people.

I’m going somewhere with this.

Stay with me.

We were made in the image of God, right?

If that's the case, doesn't that automatically mean that we hold great value.

That we are precious.

That we are worthy.

Absolutely does!!!! And it’s time we started treating ourselves that way.

As we move through this self-love series, I want you to give yourself permission to reflect deeply.

Ask yourself these important questions:

When does the inner critic show up?

What is the earliest memory you can recall of negative self-talk?

What shaped it?

Was it tied to a person?

An experience?

An environment?

Because in order to heal, Sis, we have to name these things.

We have to call them out one by one.

And then we have to work to correct them.

I’ll start with a few affirmations of my own to kick us off:

I am worthy.

I am beautiful.

I am perfect just as I am.

This cellulite on the back of my thighs does not define me. It’s part of my makeup—at least for now. And if I decide one day to do something about it, I will.

But if I don’t and it doesn't magically disappear..

I am still worthy.

This beautiful bald head?

It’s not a societal norm, but it is MINE!

It is not my identity.

It does not define how I love, who I love, or whether I am deserving of love.

It never did.

So back to my original question:

Is it worse when we become our own critic, or does it hurt more when others criticize us?

In my eyes?

Both are equally damaging.

Because both can wound.

But here’s the distinction:

We cannot control what other people think, say, or do.

We can only control our response to it.

But when it comes to us...

We are fully responsible for controlling the narrative.

Fully.

And Sis, in a world like the one we live in today—you have to be gentle with yourself.

Give yourself grace.

Love yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

Just imagine what would happen if we walked out of our homes overflowing with self-love… allowing that love to spill into the world around us.

The cumulative impact of that?

Powerful.

Profound.

So starting today, I’m giving myself an extra dose of love.

You should do the same.

And while we’re on the topic, I think the real key to conquering this thing is allowing ourselves to return to who we were before the world, the wounds, the rejection, and the disappointments taught us to question ourselves.

Before the inner critic got LOUDER than the truth.

Choosing—daily—to speak life over ourselves, even when it feels unfamiliar.

Because Sis, the way you see yourself shapes the way you move through this world.

And if your reflection has been filtered through pain, survival, or a series of untruths…

…it may be time to look again.

So here’s your reminder:

You are not what hurt you.

You are not what they said about you.

And you are certainly not the cruel things you’ve whispered to yourself.

You are worthy now.

As you are.

And that truth?

It does not change.

However- Silencing the inner critic is only part of the work.

Because even when we begin to see ourselves more clearly, there’s another reality we still have to contend with—one far more prevalent; especially in the age of social Media, highly filtered images and perfectly "curated" lives.

Comparison.

It has a way of making us question things about ourselves that were never lacking in the first place.

Pulse check…

I hope you ladies are doing okay.

We’re just getting started.

You OK Sis?

Because this journey toward healing... We are so deserving of it!!

Do the work!!! I promise you that you won't regret it. One day you too may look back at the woman you are right now and wonder why you spent so much time criticizing someone who was worthy all along.

I know I did!!!!

If this spoke to you, Sis- share it with another strong woman who may need the reminder. Subscribe to You OK Sis and stay with me as we continue this journey through the Self-Worth Series. Next time, we'll talk about, The Currency of Comparison and how comparison distorts self-worth.