Unlearning Survival as Identity
We’ve often received praise for surviving things that should have broken us- and then
expected to keep going as if survival was some sort of noteworthy achievement.
For many of us, survival is not just something we’ve experienced- it’s something we’ve,
over time, become: a “survivor.” Ooohh… so special. But is it?
Because this thing is now showing up everywhere. It shows up in how we move, how
we give, how we carry, what we carry, and how we show up for everyone else- often at
the expense of ourselves.
We learned to push through.
To figure it out.
To not need help.
And somewhere along the way, survival stopped being a response and morphed into our identity.
But here’s a truth we all need to hear- and repeat on repeat!!
Surviving may show up as some sort of triumphant story we get to tell…
But, it was never meant to define us.
So, after you conquer this “thing” that you survived...perhaps-you need to be asking
yourself the question…
You ok, Sis?
Be honest with yourself about the answer.
If the answer is no, then it’s your call to figure out the why and do the work to change it.
This is so true on how when we are in survival mode how we carry it can don’t pause to ask ourselves or we okay. We have to pause and take to the time and acknowledge it.
This hit me deep.
I became a “survivor” at the exact same time I became a mom. Three weeks after I had my baby—my dad passed. And suddenly, I wasn’t just learning how to care for a newborn… I was learning how to carry grief that had nowhere to go.
People called me strong. Told me I was handling it so well. And I leaned into that, because honestly, what other choice did I have? My baby still needed me. Life didn’t pause. So I pushed through, like we’re taught to do.
But nobody really asked if I was okay in the quiet moments. And I didn’t ask myself either.
Survival became my identity without me even realizing it. I was…
This really made me pause.
It speaks to something a lot of people live with but don’t always name out loud, how survival can slowly shift from something we went through into something we start to be. And once it becomes your default, you don’t always notice how much of your life is built around just getting through.
What I appreciate about this is that it doesn’t dismiss resilience. It acknowledges it. But it also gently questions what happens when surviving becomes the end goal instead of the starting point for something better.
The message feels honest and relatable, especially the part about how it shows up in how we move through life and show up for others. That part…
I am so inspired by this reading! It’s time for us to break free of unhealthy habits that we used to survive!!!