Healing Is at the “Heart” of Confrontation

Most of us say we want healing.

We reflect on the wounds. We are physically impacted by sudden things in our lives—our surroundings, our experiences, even the company we keep—that can unexpectedly “trigger” us, sending us right back into the throes of pain.

Right back to those moments where traumatic experiences have nestled themselves into our existence.

What’s ironic is that when we think about that “thing”—whatever that “thing” happens to be—we are insistent about the fact that we want to be free from it.

We confide in the person who listens to our recollection of events.

We trade war stories.

We bond over pain.

We say we want peace.

We say we want joy.

We say we want freedom.

We say we want nothing more than to stop carrying the weight of old wounds, painful memories, residue from unhealthy relationships, and the stories we’ve been telling ourselves for years.

But what if I told you that healing requires something many of us spend our lives avoiding?

Confrontation.

Not necessarily confrontation with other people.

Confrontation with ourselves.

Because the truth is, healing cannot reside where denial takes up space.

The reality, Sis—the real reality we need to sit with—is this:

You cannot heal what you refuse to acknowledge.

It’s cliché, but I know you’ve heard it. It goes something like this:

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result.”

Healing is absolutely a verb.

It requires action. Highly self-directed, very intentional, and premeditated plans that are placed at the forefront. Plans we assign priority to. Plans we believe in.

The real truth—and the operative construct here—is this:

You cannot change what you refuse to confront.

I have had a size 6 pair of jeans in my closet for over a decade. I know that I desire nothing more than to glide into those jeans.

However, the reality is that I have not done the work to make that desire—that wish—come to fruition.

Why?

It’s not that I don’t have the physical health to achieve it. In fact, a harsh truth is that I have an entire workout room in my home that literally has EVERYTHING needed for me to “heal” my body and transform the sneaky thoughts my mind produces that say:

“You’re overweight, and that’s why you don’t have a man and can’t keep one.”

I also have a fully equipped fitness facility at my job.

Ask me how many times I have been there this year?

That’s a rhetorical question.

I don’t want you to ask me.

I can’t bring myself to utter the response.

Why?

Because I have NOT made the decision to confront the reality of why these pants have been taking up space in my closet for umpteen years.

Healing is at the heart of confrontation.

As I am writing this, I am speaking to myself and also facing some very real truths about decisions that have resulted in me not being able to fit into them in the first place.

After all, I am the one who climbed in bed with a family pack of Oreo cookies and ice cream.

I am the one who smashed an entire pepperoni pizza in one sitting.

I am the one who took the elevator instead of walking up two flights of stairs.

Okay, okay… you get the idea.

Our actions are cumulative and, over time, end up yielding results we are not prepared to face.

Our lack of action is cumulative and, over time, also ends up yielding results we are not prepared to face.

So again, the statement is clear:

Healing is at the “heart” of confrontation.

We all have something in our lives that we are refusing to confront.

The most important thing to focus our energy on is this:

The greatest act of self-love is not always finding the “answers.”

It is finding the courage to face the questions.

What questions do you need to ask yourself so that you can heal through confrontation?

Let’s pause.

Think.

Reflect.

And not try to answer everything all at once.

The beginning of this healing journey must start with asking tough questions—and being truthful about the answers they reveal.

Because healing does not begin when we avoid the truth.

It begins when we finally love ourselves enough to face it.